2106 Payne Avenue

2006-02-02T04:10:00.000-05:00

After some booze and a moviez I had some late nightz snack-tion at a dinerz where Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz atez.

It was the Crunkest Burger I ever hadz.

Fo Rizzle.

2006-01-27T04:50:00.000-05:00

So many people have asked me, "Brian, will you please, please update so we can see what you've been doing in your jet-setting, exciting life?" Well, I've been so busy jet-setting and being excting I haven't had time until now. And sadly, yes people have asked for updates though not in those exact words.

So here it is: The Great '05 Wrap-up/'06 Blow-up in Pictures of '06

I killed King Kong in Times Square for getting his ape-y paws all over my woman. (Over 90% of King Kong's fur was actually harvested from Peter Jackson's back. - The More You Know. doo do doo do)

2006-01-27T04:49:00.002-05:00

I took more pictures of bathroom graffiti

Thanks for the tip.

2006-01-27T04:49:00.001-05:00

So maybe I drank beer more than twice. But it ends here.

I swear.

2006-01-27T04:49:00.000-05:00

I drank a beer once, or twice.

I always show my Midwest pride by drinking beer from Milwaukee.

Oh Snap!

2006-01-27T04:48:00.000-05:00

I drank beer at a bar with a bear.
Dr. Seuss I'm not.

2006-01-27T04:47:00.001-05:00

Due to a transit strike, I walked over an hour to and from work for three days. It was fun in a "I'm walking so fast I'm sweating, but its so cold my nuts just froze to my leg" sort of way.

2006-01-27T04:47:00.000-05:00

I didn't sleep. I'll do anything for Rheingold.

2006-01-27T04:46:00.000-05:00

To make things up to us the MTA followed the strike with this notice on the weekend.

For the non New Yorkers out there this is the statistical equivalent to finding out you are dying of cancer, but finding out they know how to cure your type. Then you win the $6 billion Powerball but shortly after are struck by lighting, but survive - only to be eaten by a terrestrial shark as you recover.

Yeah, it is that uncommon.

2006-01-27T04:45:00.000-05:00

I realized the dangers of cloning.

2006-01-27T04:44:00.000-05:00

I saw these two fuzzy men on the fuzzy subway. The mustaches they were sporting were a dead giveaway they recently snuck out of a time machine without realizing it is no longer fashionable to wear caterpillars on your upper lip.

I wouldn't be making fun of this fuzzy men (yes, I would) except they were harassing the woman seated across from them. During this trip I heard them use the words 'booty', 'big', and 'jungle' in a slightly different order.

Additionally, I moved to a new apartment and nobody has been shot here yet.

A short list

2005-11-28T04:34:00.000-05:00

1. INCREDIBLE

2. American Dad is getting better - They rhymed "Saudi Arabia" with "labia," a rhyme that would even do the Bloodhound Gang proud.

3. Two nights after the first shooting in front of my building there was a second.

4. Best anagram ever (some background here):

This is my story of Jack the Ripper, the man behind Britain's worst unsolved murders. It is a story that points to the unlikeliest of suspects: a man who wrote children's stories. That man is Charles Dodgson, better known as Lewis Carroll, author of such beloved books as Alice in Wonderland.

becomes:

The truth is this: I, Richard Wallace, stabbed and killed a muted Nicole Brown in cold blood, severing her throat with my trusty shiv's strokes. I set up Orenthal James Simpson, who is utterly innocent of this murder. P.S. I also wrote Shakespeare's sonnets, and a lot of Francis Bacon's works too.

I'm kind of curious to check the accuracy of this but then again I don't really care enough.

2005-11-24T02:56:00.000-05:00

Right after a really beautiful night with a head full of thoughts about how good people can be and simultaneously enjoying the first winter snow I heard a barrage of gunshots outside my window.

Party on Dubya

2005-11-19T14:27:00.000-05:00

How many laughs do you think they had about this headline around the office?

When reached for comment by imaginary phone W said, "Hello? (audible sniffing) HELLO!"

"Mr. President, do you have a comment about yesterday's Times article regarding the climbing price of cocaine?"

"AT LEAST THIS AIN'T THE 80'S! I'M NOT MADE OF MONEY YOU KNOW?!?! OOO GOD DAMN!"

Free and Legal Music

2005-11-07T00:55:00.000-05:00

After months of ignoring the upgrade prompt from Winamp I finally caved. Until recently I'd still insisted on using the stripped down Winamp Classic (still in the 3.x) because I have this funny idea that I don't need my mp3 player to make me coffee, organize my life or jerk me off - though I do fondly remember sitting with friends watching some of the first truly beat driven visualization packages, and eating Bruno dough by the fistful.

Winamp finally dropped support for the 3.x generation players and I didn't feel like searching third-party sites to just get Winamp so I joined the 5.x generation. An upside is visualizations that really blow my mind, even without the proper 'tools' - a pizza with sandwiches on it and Bruno dough.

Though the point of this finally, the newest upgrade of Winamp comes with a 100 mp3 trial of eMusic.com. Just provide credit card information and you get one month to download 100 mp3's before any charges are incurred. Cancel anytime before your month trial ends and you pay nothing and have 100 legal mp3's to your name. The major bonus is their eMusic download manager (an irritating add on that enables you to download entire albums with one click).

During the time I posted this entry I already downloaded my 100 songs (well downloaded/queued my selected albums) and in several minutes will likely have canceled the account and uninstalled the download manager.

How painless was that?

2005-10-30T02:27:00.000-05:00

No comment necessary.

2005-10-20T03:17:00.000-04:00

Jesus could save you from Hell but unfortunately he will be too busy eating jelly doughnuts to notice your languishing soul.

This was taken between 7th and Broadway at 42nd. The only bad thing was I couldn't get the Naked Cowboy (of Cincinnati fame) in the frame too.

2005-10-20T03:02:00.000-04:00

This certainly isn't kosher and on Yom Kippur of all days! Sweet pork infused temptation!

Oh. What you say?

Right, I'm not Jewish.

oh. my. god.

2005-10-04T02:55:00.000-04:00

now i'm not a boxing fan. i've only seen a few boxing matches ever, but while grabbing a bite to eat at a bar after work yesterday i happened to catch the highlights of last years castillo vs corrales fight. this lightweight bout features two of the most insanely tough 135 pounders ever. ten rounds of what can only be described as absolute fury (and i'm not even talking about the rabid nature of a white crowd cheering the destruction of two minorities). the only boxing i've seen tends to have been big name heavyweight fights where the action is slow, cautious and barely interesting (except ear biting), but this fight was non-stop action rounds 1-10. each of the four score keepers had the fight dead even at each round. while corrales seemed to have the upperhand castillo would pound out the last 30 seconds of each round to hang in and draw equal blood until an absolute unbelievable final round.

absolute insanity. if you have showtime on demand or find some other way to catch this do yourself a favor and watch the most insane test of endurance that will make you feel like the most gigantic wimp if you ever feel pain for anything ever again.

this saturday is the rematch and if i didn't work i swear i'd actually shell out the money to watch the fight. my call is castillo in 10-12.

i think the thing about boxing i don't get the most is watching two people beat the crap out of each other then immediately hug and wish each other the best with no hard feelings.

evil genius

2005-10-02T21:06:00.000-04:00

i'm fairly certain eric johnson and i are a brilliant team, but we can only use our powers for no-good.

soon enough we will be swimming in our silo of money after the short-lived but ultimately successful, post-pretentious-core band (yet to be named). and don't suggest "(yet to be named)" as a band name. that is so post-rock, not post-pret rock.

Why everybody should carry a marker

2005-09-22T02:22:00.000-04:00

A few bits of bathroom graffiti from Rudy's Bar. Their cheap beer and cheaper atmosphere paired with free hot dogs is Reason # 1,383,072 why it is cool to hang around Port Authority.

"Venti Mocha frappuchino sucks my cock. Holy fuckin(g) Sh(it)." Indeed it does. Somehow.

That explains the notebook... and the limp.

2005-09-18T06:30:00.000-04:00

U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York.

Photo: Rick Wilking/Reuters

oh sweet jesus

2005-09-17T03:23:00.000-04:00

Parker and Stone sure to have the zaniest Broadway show ever.

Super-mega-ultra Absorbent Post

2005-09-16T23:11:00.000-04:00

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there was respect for Weiner." amNewYork (9/16/05)

Feeds you need (follow link then add feeds):
BBC's Day in Pictures
Google Weblog
Google Blog
ExplodingDog

plus:
your local (or favorite) metroblogging site
customize a google news feed (an example: latest news on mozzarella)

and for the top site I wish had a feed:
http://wwtdd.com

Too bad the google 'Paris Hilton isnt a hoe' no longer works.

But at least you can still type 'failure' and click 'I'm feeling lucky.' Go do it now.

ISFDB is the IMDB of the written fiction world.

Thanks to Matt for pointing out the real time cell phone maps.

And shouldn't they just call this rehab?

If anybody doubts Diddy (unlike R. Kelly he didn't want the pee to get between him and his fans) still has street cred just read this.

'Blogosphere' is no longer the most irritating word in the world. The new winner is 'Blogocracy.'

While in the past I've said I love seeing pseudo-celebs this week topped it all with meeting some really famous people like Bono and many others.

However, my week long celeb-sightings were nothing compared to walking by Tara Reid looking like a strung out, skank walking with another total prostitute that I couldn't quite place. While sure that would have been amusing it got better as we passed by one another and Tara exclaims, "I was so fucked up." No shit, we've seen the show and read the gossip. Too bad her show was cancelled (absolutely brilliant title).

Urban children's clothing store.

Jeff <3's Nancy Grace 4Ever

girls! girls! girls!

2005-09-16T06:52:00.000-04:00

Mississippi night club after Katrina.
Credit: Scott Horsley, NPR

no comment

2005-09-16T02:14:00.000-04:00

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/09/15/nz_badminton_kerfuffle/

and in unrelated news, what an odd week.

Finally

2005-09-11T23:23:00.000-04:00

Finally, somebody is as equally fed up with the ribbon/bracelet craze as I am but has more ambition. One of these days I really ought to follow through with an idea of mine and see if it is my free ticket to wealth and never working again.

I Support Whatever's Trendy

Though the idea is right on it misses the real point and merely becomes another tacky shirt worn by middle-school kids and men with mustaches (don't ask why - that is just what I picture). These ought to be printed as magnets (packaged with industrial adhesive) with a warning that reads, "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE STEAL OTHER 'CAUSE' MAGNETS FROM AUTOMOBILES AND INSTALL THIS MAGNET WITH INDUSTRIAL ADHESIVE. WE ONLY SUPPORT PLACING THIS ON YOUR OWN VEHICLE WITH INDUSTRIAL ADHESIVE.*"

"*wink, wink, nod, nod, say no more."

2005-09-08T22:30:00.000-04:00

More Times Square with a reflection of the famous Cup Noodles ad tower.

2005-09-08T22:24:00.000-04:00

Part of the constantly changing scenery of Times Square.

2005-09-08T22:23:00.000-04:00

Sketch-town part of 9th Ave. near the Port Authority

2005-09-08T22:19:00.000-04:00

Sheep Meadow on Labor Day. Frederick Law Olmstead you are a good, good man.

2005-09-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

The tail end of The New York Roller Dancing Club on Labor Day in Central Park.

2005-09-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

Lovers rowing about on Hernshead Lake in Central Park.

2005-09-08T22:06:00.000-04:00

The circle-esque Union Square as uncrowded as you'll ever see it.

2005-09-08T21:49:00.000-04:00

A drunk hobo with a farmer's tan on the train.

2005-09-08T21:48:00.000-04:00

St. John (I believe) keeping watch over Morningside Park and Harlem beyond.

2005-09-08T21:41:00.000-04:00

The old...

2005-09-08T21:39:00.000-04:00

and new at Columbia U.

2005-09-08T21:36:00.000-04:00

We dun have some famous peoples un here.

2005-09-08T21:31:00.000-04:00

Rockefeller Center, U.S.A. (in case you forgot).

2005-09-08T21:27:00.000-04:00

St. Patrick's Cathedral in the afternoon shadows.

Worry no longer...

2005-09-04T03:43:00.000-04:00

You can quit holding your breath and order a Katrina Relief Bracelet. Yes, that's right. Buy 'em now. Beat the rush while some people are still busy dying and others are concerned with finding their loved ones and a place to live. Be the trendiest fuckwad on your block.

I sent one email to the customer service department of Katrina Relief Bracelet Co. or whatever they claim to be asking what "portion of the proceeds" is being donated to the Red Cross or Salvation Army.

I also contacted the Red Cross and Salvation Army to find out if they know about this organization. My guess is they don't since the fuckers don't even link to either organizations website. Also, there isn't any corporate info or even an address listed. I'm assuming a real company would have a postal address and even dumb fuck scammers would think to list a fake address. Who knows.

Additionally, I submitted a complaint to the Internet Fraud Complaint Center, a partnership between the FBI and National White Collar Crime Center.

Since I think there is about 0% chance that this is real (personal dislike for the fucking stupid bracelet craze aside) I really hope these people are caught and punished. I think it would be suitable to lock them in a low ceiling room, slowly filling with putrid water at a rate roughly equivalent to the time it would take to starve or become dehydrated. It would be a long uncomfortable race to the death by either drowning or dehydration.

Dr. Gmail or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Switch

2005-09-04T01:10:00.000-04:00

In case you have been living under a rock, like most people, Gmail now has open registration so there is no excuse to not get a Gmail account. You do need to sign up with a phone number so if you have a problem with that you can still register via invite from an account holder. I have plenty of invites since they refill them every time I give any away. Ask for one here.

Occasionally, while pushing Gmail, people say they don't want to use Gmail because the context based ads are an invasion of privacy. First, read the Gmail privacy policy. Second, if you use Windows, IE, many P2P programs (and of course, these links are top Google results for the thousands upon thousands of other examples) and much more your security and personal information are always at a greater risk than that of Google's context-based advertising.

While it would be nice if the advertising was not necessary, the truth is that supplying people with over 2.5 gb (and growing) of storage costs money. Additionally, Gmail offers an amazing interface (I don't know what I'd do without tabbed conversations anymore) and actually works hard to prevent spam. In the year that I've had Gmail (while reading this I just learned it has been exactly one year since I opened my Gmail account, how odd) I have NEVER received unsolicited email, EVER. The few times I have received spam (through friends unwittingly signing up for services that troll their contacts) it has been flagged automatically and with one click I opted to never receive it again (and it has worked). Now that is the kind of privacy I'm concerned with.

On an additional note of email security, the number one way to prevent spam is to create an additional email address for required registration to websites and other such things you know have no actual reason to have your email address. The best way to do this is simply add 'junk' to the end of your current address, abandonnazimermenjunk@gmail.com for example. Each time you register for a site that 'requires' an email address you use your 'junk' address, login, click your confirmation link and logout. In no time at all you'll see how many of those unscrupulous sites sell your address to just about anybody, but now you'll never need to deal with the junk in your real inbox again.

Another series of objections to switching is based, not on problems with Gmail, but the difficulty of switching, notifying others and such. First, you can import your address book from any program or email provider. Most can be imported directly but a few (Juno for example) require a small work around. Also, if you make the switch you can easily forward your email from other programs or use the 'vacation' option to send an email to notify each sender of your new address change.

Additionally, a new feature in Gmail allows users to send mail from multiple addresses from your main Gmail account. For example, if you primarily use your personal email address WldPrtySlt696969@gmail.com but also have a school or work address (something boring like yourname@school.edu or yourname@work.com), but hate checking multiple accounts for pesky communication from your professors or boss you can now send mail from ANY address you own from your main Gmail account. Yes, that means you never need to log into yourname@school.edu or yourname@work.com ever again. Your main account, WldPrtySlt696969@gmail.com, can be used to send and receive mail from any other account. This feature is especially great for students who will eventually lose their .edu address and want to make a smooth transition. Depending on your current email provider (whether POP3, web-based or internal-server) the steps for setting this up are different but if you need any help I'd be happy to assist.

Open an account (or ask me for an invite at crumbr@gmail.com). Give it a try. Shoot out some emails (even pointless shit to me like 'testing' and 'testing 1, 2' to see how 'conversations' work), play with the settings, integrate with Firefox, nearly endless configuration. If you aren't 150% satisfied I'll give you a 500% refund! But seriously, I'm so convinced you'll love Gmail you'll never look back. I have nothing to gain by writing this and getting anybody to switch. I'm doing this because I was sick and tired of several pathetic email providers after losing my .edu account and I'm convinced your e-life will be made easier after the switch.

EDIT: Though I've thought of piles of other advantages, I thought one deserves special mention. Jed Brown's Firefox extension WebMailCompose changes all 'mailto:' links to open in a new Gmail tab rather than Outlook. Brilliant!

Crazy People

2005-08-28T18:36:00.000-04:00

Crazy people are fun because they make signs like these. These signs popped up about a week ago all over the 125th and Lenox area. I'm not sure how far they are spread around and I'd be interested to find out if they are spread much beyond this immediate area. My guess is no because if some fucker is so nuts to make this sign (a sign that only barely attempts to make a point) they probably got distracted by traffic and hit by a bus shortly after.

Edit: After some surfing I no longer believe this is crazy talk. Clearly the reference to Revelation 13 and the analysis here makes this completley logical. I'll admit I was quite skeptical until seeing the Peterson Matrix illustrating how the Bible predicted the Laci Peterson case. The includsion of the word "Putin", a possible antichrist, in the Peterson matrix suggests that Scott is actually innocent and the murders were carried out by a Satanic cult. Clearly. Hours of informed reading on that site and many others like it on a variety of subjects such as the theory that Osama Bin Laden was behind the Princess Diana car crash because of her "positive influence" on Muslim women.

THIS JUST IN! A matrix of several thousand letters spelling random shit isn't prophetic, it is barely a coincidence.

2005-08-28T18:33:00.000-04:00

Umm... Yeah.

Ad(non)sense

2005-08-25T22:18:00.000-04:00

I just love out of context context-based advertising. While visiting The Pirate Bay and searching for The 40 Year Old Virgin I got some fantastic ads.

So now I’m wondering about the year old virgins from eBay. Do you think they are used? And if so, in what ways have they been used to still be virgins? And how did Starware get involved in selling year old virgins?

2005-08-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

Mmm. Year old virgins.

My summer vacation...

2005-08-23T23:47:00.000-04:00

No doubt Ohio was fun but it is good to be back. Settling back into the routine slowly. For the next two weeks I don’t have to be in to work til 9 and its casual Friday til September 6^th. Goodbye ties.

While staying at my mom’s in Cleveland she put me harder to work than when I’m actually here at work. The yard work was tough but the worst was cleaning out all my crap that has been accumulating there since she moved while I was still in school. I’ve never really lived in that house but I have tons of stuff there.

Popping down to Oxford for a few days was the ultimate in weird. That place feels like the favorite pair of jeans, comfortable and familiar. But closer inspection is unsettling. The faces have changed, new buildings pop up and your friends’ house is no longer your friends’ house.

A town filled with an endless supply of beautiful 18-22 year olds creating college memories. All nighters with friends, parties, girls (or boys if that’s more your thing), Tuffy’s trips at 4:40 am and occasionally doing some work. At times it really is as good as life gets then suddenly you are on the outside looking back in reminiscing about how much better it was back in the day, like endless classes have done before your time. And five years from now, a couple of former freshman year roommates from the class of 2009 will be sitting around Mac ‘n Joes talking about these ‘kids’ and how they’ll never know how good it used to be.

Stayed with Matt and Jill at there new pad. I got to kick back on the comfiest couch ever (sorry Snoop Dogg Sofa you’ve been topped in comfort, but not dirtiness). Nothing too eventful but just a solid, laid back time filled with novelty disc tossing, eating, drinking and, well, nothing else. The real fun came Thursday night at where else but Mac n Joes. After adjusting to the fact that all my kids (and cousin) are seniors and at least 21, we enjoyed the requisite four-dollar pitchers, car bombs and Cuervo. Then some unexpected faces and girls! girls! girls! It was the closest I’ve had to an old time Mac n Joes experience since sometime in the spring of ought-four.

2005-08-23T23:44:00.001-04:00

Hi kids! Do you like car bombs?

2005-08-23T23:44:00.000-04:00

WE DO! WE DO!

LiveJournal Friend Feed

2005-08-15T02:31:00.000-04:00

Here is a great trick I picked up from http://www.nerdtech.com/blog/ for you recovering LiveJournal users. I keep telling friends to leave LJ and never look back. Embrace the inner nerd. Learn HTML, Cascading Style Sheets, XML and more for a product you have some ownership of. "But I'll still have to go read my friends page." I respond, "Leave, never look back." But that is a lie - I did look back. Always clicking back to my friends page to catch the updates from people on their travels or starting life in their new cities. In this era of ultra-convenience who can really be bothered to check a completely different site just to see what their friends are up to? Increasingly it was entirely too much to go back and check if Johnny was whining about girls, or Susie got drunk and made out with a stranger. If only there was a way to check my LJ friends with the rest of my feeds in Sage. If only, if only, and then I found it.

1. Install GreaseMonkey (at this point I assume you are using Firefox, if not go away fool). Restart Firefox

2. Install the LiveJournal: OPML script by going here and right-clicking (over LJ: OPML), install user script. Firefox should ask you what website the script should take effect for (LiveJournal should automatically be provided). Click OK.

3. Now you've installed GreaseMonkey and LiveJournal: OPML. Go to LiveJournal and log in.

4. Go to your user info page and you'll see a tiny OPML button underneath the "Friends" category. Right-click, save link as... to your desktop as LJ.xml or something.

5. Open Sage (get it here if you don't have it yet) and go to Options, OPML Import/Export... Navigate to LJ.xml on your desktop and select it. You may need to restart Firefox but Sage will soon show a folder with all of your friends and people who list you as a friends.

Of course these folders and page titles can be edited and you can also trash the LJ.xml file on your desktop.

As for Sage here is a great tip from the Sage Wiki if you don't like the sidebar.

Bookmark the URL chrome://sage/content/sage.xul in your Bookmarks Toolbar Folder and name it 'Feed Me!' Now when you click 'Feed Me!' your feeds will load in a new tab where you can Check Feeds and CTL-click to open all updated feeds in a new tab.

Nerd it up!

2005-08-15T01:59:00.000-04:00

Having little to do in Cleveland I've been spending quality time with the computer getting back to normal - tweaking setting and getting my firefox extensions back. It just wasn't right before. Last time I posted my favorite extensions I got quite a response. So here they are with a lot of additions:
-*Linky 2.6.1 - Additional link functionality (e.g. open all links in new tabs/windows)
-*Forecast Fox 0.8.1.2 - Fully customizable weather bar (recently updated with links to radar images)
-*Foxy Tunes 1.1.1 - Control winamp, itunes and more while browsing without losing focus on your browser
-Gmail Notifier 0.5.1 - Gmail notifier w/ customized alert functions
-fireFTP 0.88.3 - slick FTP client within firefox to help cut the last ties from IE or other single-use apps
-*Sage 1.3.5 - Lite but functional news/feed reader and aggregator
-Tabbrowser Preferences 1.2.7.1 - Increased tab functionality
- About Site 0.3 - Quick access to site meta-data such as traffic, google links, technorati cosmos, and wayback entries
-*Disable Targets for Downloads 1.0 - No more blank tabs/windows after starting a download. Brilliant
-*Google Images Re-linker 0.1.2 - Jumps directly to the full size images on google image searches
-Bookmark Backup 0.3.3 - Backs up bookmarks and other settings upon exit for extra safety
-Session Saver 0.2 - Remebers tabs, history and forms upon exit, even in a firefox or windows crash
-Grease Monkey 0.3.5 - A user script manager

Any readers have other must haves?

* My must-haves. Once you try them I guarantee your life will be better. Well at least the parts you waste in front of the computer.

SUCCESS! sort of

2005-08-11T00:13:00.000-04:00

I'm up and running again. The new 80 gig is in place and running but not without the help of Dell tech support. Jeff, they actually did a good job. Surprise. Turns out the new memory I installed was bad from the start which causes the monitor not to display (huh?). Salim and I worked it out by taking pieces out one at a time and discovering the monitor displays the Dell screen without a hard drive or memory, with a hard drive and no memory but blanks with any combination with memory.

It seems my luck has dropped off the planet. I haven't purchased a thing over $50 (besides a bar tab) that has a) had all its pieces b) worked or c) worked for more than 2 weeks. I'm still missing the single piece I need to convert my dresser into a working dresser from its current state of tie rack/useless piece of shit. I hate IKEA more than I ever could have imagined. I realized I may have been losing it after (no joke) waking from a dream where I torched an IKEA (Oh how I pray an IKEA doesn't get torched so I don't become the next Joseph Duncan (but the innocent version and not a pedophile)). The combination of the fire alarm in the building next door going off for NINE DAYS straight and a useless dresser for over two months must be near the limits of my pyschological strength.

One day of work left before vacation. Tomorrow night checking out Hoboken, the thrills. Then arriving in Cleveland Friday afternoon. Likely to be in Oxford mid-week (sometime within 16-19) for anybody that is still in town. May even visit ERIC JOHNSON at Kent and bring him down to O-town to partake in the PBR madness that is sure to be had.

Wait for it...

2005-08-05T07:55:00.000-04:00

Wait for it...

My new hard drive should arrive Tuesday so I'm already planning a night of nerding it up with my upgrades (memory too), clean install of XP, possibly a partition of linux to play with, followed by some serious blog reading/writing and bit-torrenting.

Good thing I made a lot of friends in the weeks leading up to The Great Computer Crash of Ought-Five or I would have been at a total loss.

The only thing worse than having a busted up computer was losing my phone during the same period. Luckily I got it back but the complete digital disconnect left me slightly nauseous. Well actually, that was due to the sick thought of having to drop piles of money unexpectedly all at once.

For now killing some time at the beginning of my two consecutive doubles leading up to a four-day work week next week. In Cleveland from from 12-21 with a day or four in Oxford at some point. I'm not sure who I even know in that town now but I'm in serious need of art-museum-roof-time. I heard this rumor one can actually see the stars out there in the country.

Easy Rider Salad The Mall

2005-07-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

Jeff's post inspired me to reflect on some older, and in my opinion, better internet memes of the past.

These links are from the good old days when you needed more to become an internet meme than being a fat kid with a webcam or a geek with a lightsaber. If you somehow aren't familiar with these watch them now! And if you watched them millions of times watch them again now!

Terrible Secret of Space (click "WATCH THIS MOVIE" and read the history)

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

YATTA!!

And the winner is...
Tunak Tunak Tan! from Daler Mehndi (THE theme song to the cannabinoid-mattress dance party '02 in 103mckee)

ITEM!

Be excited

2005-07-15T00:13:00.000-04:00

http://earth.google.com

I think I might GIS myself.

Spanglish and Canadian Whiskey

2005-07-13T20:24:00.000-04:00

There is a lot of Spanglish being thrown around at work and here is one of my favorites:

"Do you control all of your skills now?"

I'm assuming he was basically asking, "Do I know what I'm doing at work?" or "Do I understand my job requirments after two months?" But his wording made me think of bow-hunting skills or perhaps he was suggesting I'm a super-hero and he wanted to know if I've stopped maiming bystanders with my laser-eyes and claw-like fingernails. Who knows.

Additionally, does anybody know what is so damn cool about Crown Royal bags? Seriously folks, everytime we get a new shipment of Crown people dive at me, "Are you just going to throw that away? Can I have it?" Today was great because we are stocking up for a two week liquor shut down. Consequently we had to order tons of booze, including one case of Crown Royal. This means I had twelve of those soft, purple bags sitting out in the hall and they were all gone within minutes. Now I understand they can be useful. I have one I keep miscellaneous junk in and a Blanton's bag I keep my camera in, but why the excitement? Do I work with nerds (read both forum pages, they are hilarious)? Or quilters?

Please suggest any other uses for Crown Royal bags, real or imagined.

More Best of Overheard

2005-07-12T22:03:00.000-04:00

G. E. O. G. R. A. P. H. Y.

She also eats pieces of shit for breakfast...

Cosplay Italian Style

2005-07-11T00:41:00.000-04:00

No explanation available. Thanks Nate.

Rock with you (all night)

2005-07-11T00:19:00.000-04:00

So this week was uneventful in a good way. After The Jeff's visit I needed some R&R. Friday night I caught up on my sleep with a solid 14 hours. Nothing much to post but some decent pictures from my walk through Chinatown and Little Italy after kickball practice in Prospect Park.

You can look for some of my more detailed New York-centric writings at http://nyc.metblogs.com in the future. I view my recent entry into the blogoshpere with much humor. It was best while Jeff was in town so we could say things like, 'Man, this picture is gonna be sweet on my blog!' while wandering through a crowd. Though this started as a way to post some pictures and updates to people back in the Midwest, I realized it was starting to get out of hand when I got home from work the other day and thought, 'I'd better post my bombing related story before it is out of date.' Okay, so I didn't think that but I did realize I needed to get out more so I wised up and went to the bar to watch the Indians game.

2005-07-11T00:17:00.000-04:00

Bustling pedestrian traffic along Mulberry Street where Chinatown blends into Little Italy.

2005-07-11T00:15:00.000-04:00

Gate over Delancey looking toward the Williamsburg Bridge (props to anybody who can tell me the name of the gate or if I'm wrong about it being on Delancey)

2005-07-10T23:58:00.000-04:00

The rooftop pond outside my window in the setting sun.

I watched fireworks but didn't eat wieners

2005-07-05T02:37:00.000-04:00

After a busy weekend with The Jeff, I slept late today for some quality recovery time. I used my well-rested self to clean up around the apartment before heading out for the days festivities. I went solo to Battery Park for the free Laura Cantrell, Stephen Malkmus and Yo La Tengo show. Upon arriving, I discovered the park was at capacity (according to the police) and therefore closed, though there was significant green space left. After squeezing onto the sidewalk to listen to Malkmus and not enjoying myself due to a) the large number of people brushing against my ass (where I keep my camera) and b) the large, angry police presence (that is to say, there were many angry cops - not big angry cops).

I left the crowd to walk through the street fair eventually ending up at the South Street Seaport (read 'faux-old-timey-streetscape/authentic yuppie shopping center') where I received a call from an old Westerner (for those non-Miami kids this does not mean 'cowboy') whose unique id can be used to form the middle of a phrase short for "to desert a group of people with ties to both the National Socialist German Workers Party and half fish-like creatures from Greek mythology." We met up shortly after and were able to get into the park with a short wait. Once inside we gradually moved up toward the stage before finding a lovely place to enjoy the rock and/or roll show. It was the perfect day for an outdoor show and their great performance led me to download (legally of course) several of their shows after returning home.

After the show let out I had my first walk through Chinatown before deciding to catch the fireworks over the East River. I almost skipped them but I realized I wouldn't go to bed when I got home anyway and I hadn't seen fireworks since 07/04/01. The long trek to the East River Park was worth it for a nice display. Although, the fireworks were smaller than I expected but that could be due in part to watching them in the shadows of Manhattan rather than Huntington Beach. While there I had a, "Yay America!" moment so rare to people who read the news, follow politics, or just plain care. Three generations of a (presumably) Mexican-American family were off to my right and the young child (who appeared to be the first native English speaker) asked why we celebrate the 4th of July. The older relative replied, "This is like America's birthday, but for me it is a reminder that even during the hardest times, we live in the greatest country in the world."

2005-07-05T02:33:00.000-04:00

To be sung to the tune of the the 5/3 jingle: "Work-ing hard to be the only cops you'll ever neeeed!"

2005-07-05T02:26:00.000-04:00

Yo La Tengo in Battery Park (for free!) during the last of the day's light.

2005-07-05T02:22:00.000-04:00

The fireworks were nice but hard to photograph, especially without a tripod. This was one of my better efforts.

A true celebration of independence

2005-07-04T00:40:00.000-04:00

Well this weekend was a blast. I expected to have a good time but I think our antics exceeded all expectations. I met Jeff at the Port Authority after having some drinks with friends at happy hour. We stopped by my place briefly while downing a cool pbr before heading out to Joshua Tree (East Side). After some quantity of beer and apps we took off for Peculier Pub which was pleasantly un-crowded for a weekend night. We enjoyed a booth to ourselves for some quality time assessing the position of our lives in relation to their respective positions in the past and hypothesizing on the possible paths of said lives through the course of the coming years. Either we were abducted, probed, then had our minds erased by aliens on the way back from the bar or we drank too much beer because i don't remember what conclusions we came to but it is safe to say we were at least in a very good place for several days here.

Sometime shortly before sunrise Brian looks at Jeff and says, "Dude, I require Popeye's (chicken)!" Neither of us required chicken and consequently most of it ended up on the living room floor, and the beer on Jeff's shirt.

Day Two (Saturday): We wake up in time to go straight to Shea. The trip takes shortly under forever and we arrive to see the Nathan's Famous International Hotdog Eating Competition. Talk about excitement. We enter the park to find it was Carlos Beltran Bobble Head Day! Our seats were amazing (see below) and the Bud was over-priced. Jeff and I became the stars of our section after being rowdy and 'befriending' the hot dog vendor with the worst hair piece ever.
After the game we did some sight-seeing and found a discarded sign (see below). We took the sign to Columbus Circle where I documented Jeff begging for money. He only made a quarter but it gave us some interesting insights into life, the universe and everything. We then donated the quarter plus seed money to a man begging on B'way which clearly made his day.

After a bit of downtime at the apartment we took off for Barcade where we had some fantastic beers. One unique favorite is the new Rogue Chipotle Ale. Coming soon to a bar near you if you are lucky. Leaving the bar eventually, we stopped into a 24 hour diner for breakfast before the long trip home. Upon exiting the subway we were surprised to see the sun coming up and noticed it was nearly 5:00.

After a bit of sleep we bounced back up to get brunch and cocktails before Jeff boarded the bus home. Brunch at Essex Restaurant was fantastic. A creative twist on brunch, from the plate to the atmosphere, Essex treated us well while we sat at the sunny bar beneath the DJ spinning during the brunch shift. Our pleasure continued when the check arrived and they didn't charge either of us for our fourth cocktail or Jeff's brunch upgrade including salmon roe. We showed our appreciation for their oversight with a more generous tip. I couldn't give a heartier recommendation for Essex and will certainly return for the inspired food, oh-so-horsey bloody marys, upbeat morning atmosphere, and just perhaps to get another glimpse of that lovely hostess.

2005-07-03T23:50:00.000-04:00

Friday night at Peculier Pub. This isn't a bad picture - we were both just very blurry by the end of the night.

2005-07-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

Our seats were the rawk. Amazing day.

2005-07-03T23:48:00.001-04:00

Why do we look so odd?

2005-07-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

Oh. That explains a lot.

2005-07-03T23:47:00.000-04:00

Jeff and I found this sign and decided to have some fun. I'll leave it to him to describe our social experiment and charity work that followed.

2005-07-03T23:46:00.000-04:00

Upon leaving the subway on the way home from the bar we were both surprised to see the sun was coming up.

T.G.I.T(hursday).

2005-07-01T01:17:00.000-04:00

My four-day weekend has started and it will be a good one. After a grueling week at work I'm kicking back for four days of fun. The Jeff is coming in tomorrow and we will, as he said, 'break his new york hymen.' The only concrete plan is going to the Mets game Saturday and since neither of us care about the Mets or the Marlins I think this will just end up being the equivilent to an extremely expensive bar. But more fun because we will also be able to purchase expensive peanuts and hotdogs. Other plans include drinking some Upper Canada, Trub-Ale and going to Barcade as well as Spuyten Duyvil.

While walking to work yesterday I realized I've been here long enough to not be completely new to the city and have somewhat of a routine. It was quite surprising. Without thinking, I exited the 2/3 at 50th and turned north to head up to B'way and 53rd to the closet Village Voice box (it is never empty even by Thursday afternoon) instead of walking down 51st, stopping at Europa for what is unfortunately the cheapest muffin and iced coffee I can find in midtown.

This is a huge shift from the first few days of thinking, 'Okay, if I was headed downtown on the train and I make two right turns out of the station I'm heading north so I need to turn left on 50th to head to work.' So that is massively nerdy but mildly necessary to orient yourself in this town while new. But there are other little things about this crazy city that seem so cozy and make me feel like I fit into some odd puzzle more than anywhere else I've been. It is easy (and quite amusing) to quickly become a jaded New Yorker, but really I still love waking up and walking down Lenox to see the skyline bursting out from behind Central Park and seeing the city at its quietest and calmest moments. Shopowners sweeping up in front of their stores. The old men coming out to sit on their stoops where I'll see them still 9 hours later, more awake but usually drunk. Watching the homeless couple pack up their cardboard house at the B'way/50th metro stop. Almost getting run down everyday on 6th when a cab runs the red light.

I'm not sure if it is possible to not love this city. It pulls at you in unexpected ways and surprises you everyday even though you do your best to look so apathetic to everything it throws at you. 'Oh, not another man dressed as a smurf playing the tambourine and preaching the gospel. If I see another one of those I'll just scream.'

Well New York, you got me.

Blog-o-da-week

2005-06-28T23:15:00.000-04:00

I enjoy going to random blog sites and clicking on random featured users. I think I'll pick a favorite (read: nut-job, wacko, or all around freak) for your weekly enjoyment. This week's winner is Little Fuzzy Bunny. WOOT WOOT! and please, don't graffiti on her church. it was already graffitied on once. Also, be sure to note she was 'currently reading' DC Talk. At what point do jesus rockers cross over to become authors? Interesting.

And yes, it amuses me to make fun of others. It makes me feel smug. I like feeling smug.

Now this is seriously overheard

2005-06-28T19:10:00.000-04:00

Check this out. I submitted it several weeks ago and it finally got posted. Hopefully my second submission will make it too.

Overheard on the 1 and more

2005-06-27T02:01:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while riding the 1 train back from Bed, Bath & Beyond (where I learned the 'Beyond' refers to the hookers in the 'bedding loft') , a British couple gets on the train and has the following brief conversation:
Husband: I can't believe these trains aren't air conditioned.
Wife: Well, this isn't London you know... Just pretend it is one of those saunas you like.
brief silence
Husband: No, this smells like piss, not cedar.

Submitted that to Ovearheard today, who knows if it'll make the cut.

Additional new, had kickball practice today (yes, you read that correctly). Though it may have just been an excuse to get to the park then get drinks in the afternoon. We ended up picking up some extra players at the park, but they didn't come for drinks because they were probably about eight years old. Next week, we are planning to meet for brunch at one of the many places that offers all you can drink bloody mary's from 11-3 then go play kickball. I don't know if I've ever heard of a better idea.

that is comedy plagiarism

2005-06-23T01:30:00.000-04:00

there are so many young comics taking the mitch hedberg style. it is still funny but i find something objectionable about completely ripping off somebody who died so recently. a good example is, demetri martin, who was on the late late show. an example of one of his mitch style jokes, 'i noticed there are a lot of homeless sign makers.' and even more of a rip-off, 'when somebody asks if i have a poncho i say, 'not yet. but i have a blanket and scissors.'

by the way i'm enjoying not having to work til 4pm tomorrow. i can stay up late for once, though all i have to show for it is nerding it up on the internet.

On the way to work...

2005-06-22T21:31:00.000-04:00

On the way to work this morning I grabbed the Village Voice as I usually do on Wednesday mornings after grabbing coffee. Cutting it a bit close to 8:00 I don't even look at the cover or take the time to stuff it in my bag. As I'm rushing down 52nd, around 6th ave, I pass the typical delivery dudes standing around their trucks. As I pass one of them yells, 'Fag!' I'm a bit surprised but then again nothing is that surprising in this town. It didn't make sense until I was at my desk and tossed the Voice down to see I'd been carrying the 'Queer Issue' down the street.

Then the streets will run with blood...

2005-06-22T21:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Snapple attempted to break the record for erecting the world's largest popsicle. Previously, they erected a 21 foot popsicle and their success prompted them to go even bigger. Yesterday's attempt in Union Square ended with a fantastic mess when the 25 foot tall, 17.5 ton popsicle spewed a sugary mess all over the street.

Who would have guessed this outcome? I mean a popsicle melting in the summer? How absurd, I've never heard of such a thing. And even if it wasn't obviously a bad idea in general, it amazes me that during this process nobody thought of checking to ensure it was frozen solid before taking it outside.

As always, Fark summarizes it best, 'Snapple makes giant sticky mess on street in NYC, leaves in middle of night, says it will call sometime.'

2005-06-22T21:20:00.000-04:00

My city taxes at work.

2005-06-22T21:18:00.000-04:00

It's melting...

I take you to the candy shop

2005-06-22T00:26:00.000-04:00

i just had a bit more ambition to start putting some of the links back up and tweaking the gifs.

time for bed. now only if those crazy negroes would quit playing 50 cent. and shooting off fireworks. every night.

oh well.

ps - tweaking the gifs sounds dirty
pps - to my new readers (oddly, i have some) that don't know me (well/at all) : don't be offended by the liberal use of 'negro.' soon it will be the cutting edge of pc. i know this because i'm so x-treme.

21 Club in the news

2005-06-21T20:30:00.000-04:00

Big new story in the paper today. These people were before my time but I doubt their accusations are correct. Though if they are correct the management is doing a terrible job of getting rid of French employees because we still have a ton.

In other news, I walked by the New York outpost of The Joshua Tree. I almost stopped in for a drink but the over-anxious hostess at the front door made me change my mind. There are few things I hate more than being bothered on the street to come into an establishment. But when I walked by and saw inside I was happy I didn't go inside. This was right in the middle of after work cocktails and pre-theater drinks. Being on restaurant row, right off Broadway, and a close midtown stop off the place looked packed with schmucks.

Jeff and I are going to a Mets game.

f-in-a, man

2005-06-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

so not working (or driving to ohio) on saturday rawks hard. i slept in forever before eventually getting up and taking a walk to play with my new camera. my mellow was totally harshed when i discovered the 2/3 is closed between 96th and 145th all weekend. my updated itinerary took me west around 120th or so to look for a brownstone shell that recently collapsed. didn't find it because i wasn't planning on looking for it so i was probably several blocks off. walking through morningside park i was surprised to see a wild turkey. this wild turkey wouldn't have been as surprising. upon closer inspection, i saw it was a mother turkey and five chicks (i'm sure baby turkey's aren't chicks). very odd because this is a relatively small park and a very tiny section where they were.

from there i took the short walk to columbia university, not to be confused with colombia university. there i caught the 1 downtown, but only rode to columbus circle because the weather was too nice to be cooped up in a tube. there i realized several floors of the time-warner building are dedicated to upscale, consumer-recreation/low-wage work. wandering through the mall i took this picture:

Looking out on Columbus Circle from inside the mall

then i went downstairs to whole foods, i'd never been, where i participated in aforementioned, looked-down-upon, yuppie activity and purchased some sushi and cold tea (is this hot tea hot or cold? hot, hot, HOT, or cold? neither, it was just cool). i had lunch on the steps of the maine monument and watched crazy people and the asian 'artists' selling 'their' 'unique' 'photographs.' if you've been to nyc you understand why those all needed to be in quotes separately.

from there i walked south on broadway, hoping it wouldn't rain like it always does when i'm far from the subway and without an umbrella. i made it to times square with ominous skies and idiots all around. overheard at broadway and 46th, 'let's walk down to times square then get food.' and someplace soon after, 'this really isn't what i imagined. it isn't... very... squarish.' i think it should be legal to push these people (okay, these people aren't in fact ones i want to push in front of a cab, but this is a generic times square picture to illustrate my point. plus, this photo includes the naked cowboy, formerly of cincinnati fame. i first saw him on the campus of uc in '99. believe me, it is memorable) in front of a cab.

while there i noticed two statues i hadn't previously seen in all the hustle of times square.

2005-06-19T20:06:00.001-04:00

Mr. Subtlety, George M. Cohan

2005-06-19T20:06:00.000-04:00

This other dude

2005-06-19T20:05:00.000-04:00

eventually, i made it to the east village where i was looking for something i didn't find and can no longer remember. however, i did find this salute to rock around houston and lafayette:

Rawk!

later, i did stumble across housing works: used book cafe a branch of the non-profit housing works for new yorkers with hiv/aids. i purchased 'portrait of the artist as a young man' ($3), 'the best american nonrequired reading' ($7), and 'cork boat' ($6) (not to be confused with 'cork bat.'

and this is my saturday night.

2005-06-19T20:03:00.000-04:00

mmmm. doughnuts.

Caution!

2005-06-16T00:44:00.000-04:00

Getting better but still under construction

Any advice. I'm hoping to tweak the background colors a bit brighter to the max that they won't interfere with the text. I'm also looking for a three color scheme, of which one color is the background/water blue. I'm generally liking the blue, orange, brown but not exactly the shades I have. That'll take some time. Ok, actually, I'll need two more colors: one for links and another for selected links because I'm doing away with the underlining.

Join the dark side!

testing 1, 2

2005-06-15T23:55:00.000-04:00

i think i saved my previous template, but if not no big loss. i'm playing with the coding and think i'll start with some cheating by getting general formats such as column width, image position and anchoring by copying the page info (right click, view page source) then modifying the details. once i'm more familiar with the rest of the coding i'll write it from scratch but now i'm not too concerned.

i think my camera should arrive tomorrow. pictures ahoy! this little experiment with blogger has also made me miss photoshop. i guess i'll have to 'buy' another copy.

this is free. so is this.

oh and it finally cooled off. 24 hours ago it was 26 degrees warmer and i was melting. i've never been so glad to get chilly when the wind blows.

when digital worlds collide

2005-06-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

in the past, while reading overheardinnewyork i've seen posts (can't find it now) about people mentioning overheardinnewyork. then even a post about a girl mentioning she read about herself on overheardinnewyork. this time two of the best websites meet in an overheardinnewyork tribute to the creepiness found ('no gays' - of course not) on craigslist. now here it is - your moment of zen.

oh and jeff lives here.

so...

2005-06-14T00:23:00.000-04:00

so we sucked at kickball but our team rawked at flip cup. dive bar was awesome and kickball was pretty sweet too. the people were quite fun and i met several midwesterners including some daytonians, and cincinnatians.

there was more to this but i'm having the most inappropriate conversation with jeff so i'm giving up.

HOUDINI!!!!! WHAT, WHAT!!!!!

28 days later

2005-06-12T23:39:00.000-04:00

...plus a few. i was surprised to see my 30 day metro card expired. it doesn't feel like i've been here a month. i think it was that tricky month may with its 31 days that fooled me. or not.

these weekends go by too quickly when working six day weeks. though the saturday money is nice and i won't have to work any weekends until september now. tomorrow is the first kickball game followed by FLIP CUP! i'm starting to get my fingers warmed up tonight.

classy plastic lumber

2005-06-12T06:41:00.000-04:00

dudes, i'm proud to announce 'X hyphen treme' has entered the nyc lexicon. the word is out and it is sure to spread as fast as legionnaires disease in a building with faulty air-conditioning. with any luck, village voice, new york metro or wnyc will call me for an interview about the origins of being x-treme. the interview will lead to a small release film called 'X-FUCKING-HYPHEN-TREME' and will feature such historic x-treme moments as: the collaboration between myself and eric fox while making the 'x-treme' bagel at bagel and deli in oxford, ohio; the life of jeff kurz; the life and times of the hate-fuck bucket; and the adventures of a drunken irishman in boston, ma.

okay, so maybe that won't happen but i did get get classy-drunk from work today. surprise, surprise. after closing, we had left over wine opened and paid for from banquets (similar to past events while employed at dipaolo's). unlike dipapolo's we don't resell open wine because a) it is uber-shady and b) only quasi-legal. so, by the end of the night i was faced with the dilemma of dumping wine down the drain. this is something i'm normally opposed to and certainly opposed to when they are bottles of chateauneuf (beaucastel) '96, duckhorn (napa) merlot '02 and mas amiel '10 ans d’age cuvee speciale.' additionally, while employed there i did get to taste some '86 yquem. avoiding alcohol abuse with alcohol abuse. rock.

if i can still get a uhaul tomorrow i'm going to drive out to paramus, new jersey to ikea to buy a bed, dresser and maybe some other shit.

monday after work i have my first kickball game as part of the waka. after the game in riverside park we go to the dive bar for a rousing game of flip-cup.

tuesday evening i'll probably go to pioneer theater for a film, pizza and beer. after work on wednesday, if i'm not wiped out, i'll check out the city climbers club for some recreational activity.

by tuesday i should have my camera so pictures are coming soon. this is one of the main reasons i made the move to blogger (and because i've always dreamed of being like jeff).

jeff and i are cooler than you because we use blogger. join the revolution.

jeff, let's have a link-whore war.